A (n)oodle too loud

I can’t really complain that she was too loud.

I really can’t.

It was positively hilarifying.

There I was, at the Leicester Square branch of a famous-rice-’n'-noodle-chain-beginning-with-’W', minding my own chilli men, looking neither to the right, nor to the left… when all of a sudden a petite lady bumped herself down and started verbalising the menu in fog horn. I mean English, but whole hearted fog horn english, ok?.

I tried not to stare or grin and focussed on my bowl.
Too late: her new but quite startled (and now embarrassed), not-so-drunk boyfriend saw me grin at Jon with noodles in my mouth.
Just then, Wagamama’s (surely award winning?) speed-demon-waiter-meets-Ruby-Rhod from the Fifth Element rushed by and all was forgotten for a split second as the napkins and paper menus wafted in the backdraft of his energy.

Then I remembered – back to the embarrassed boyfriend. I sympathised instantly with him as I recognise his non verbal signals to his beau, to calm her down. I suffer from over-excitement all the time and Jon regularly puts the following into practice. It’s tough to be successful in this arena, because the oner-excited one mostly realises what’s occurring, with a dash of hindsight (a prompted one at that).

1) Squeezing of the arm – gently brings me back to reality
2) A gentle tap on the back of the wrist – makes me lose focus and train of thought and decelerate my babble as I check back of hand for traces of food
3) Widening of eyes – I trail off and grind to a halt as I wonder what 8 legged freak stands towering behind me.
4) The “shhhh” shape that I eventually lip read – the kind you do to a baby when you love them but wish they’d pipe down… the baby normally pauses for a sec with unblinking eyes right? Yeah, it works on fully grown adults too.

So I recognised these signals and grinned at the boyf – letting him know it was ok. His face muscles relaxed a notch as if to say “thank you… she’s lovely really, just a bit too much champagne y’see…” but it only lasted a split second.

“GYOOOOOOOOOOOOZAAAAAA – see?” She screeched.

“Geeeyoooozaaaaa. Say it!” She grinned triumphantly, proclaiming the cabbage dumplings as “v, v tasty” and then putting her hand against the side of her mouth to signal she knew this was naughty and this was a secret, and screeched “we can even put them in my handbag and have them at the cinema”
Man! She’s a girl after my own heart. My chest swelled with pride and I was filled with an oodle of LLL: Love for Loud Ladies.