City yam

I can hear the call in the distance as I exit Waterloo each morning.

“Cityaaaam… Cityaaaaaam… City yam”

As I get closer the blurred words make sense. It’s more of a question. Oh gosh - she’s talking to me!

City yam?

(pauses, repeats, a hopeful tone)

City A.M?

Oh god, she’s assessed me as the type to read it…

I smile gently to signal silently "No thank you, not today" I won’t be reading about the latest in stocks, shares and city deals... though I should I guess... Argh. I feel slightly embarrassed: I opt to lunge for Stylist and Shortlist without fail every week, but City A.M? Weeeeell, I’m a bit more reserved. Meh. I can take it or leave it really.

But then I feel a pang of guilt.

Did she read the "Thank you" part of my silent "no thank you"?
Does she now despise me for that extra 25g of paper I should now be bearing instead of her?

This smiling girl must be weary – she’s been on her feet since 6 am, performing nothing short of a continuous 4 hour aerobic workout! Rocking back and forth, side to side, reaching into our paths non intrusively, with a silent but assured “don’t worry about reaching for me, Ill reach out to you” motto, she continues. Left, right, left swoop, right swoop… swiping one paper away to a discerning reader, and deftly folding another simultaneously.

“I’m gonna make a change… gonna feel real good… gonna make a difference…heh!
Ah Michael Jackson… Lawd love him” I say, inspired.

I turn back.

Suddenly I’ve got a real appetite for yam.

A Cityam

Freaks

Now don't freak out [Ed - oh god], this isn't a post about the top ten freaks of all time or anything quite as blunt. I just overheard someone use the term the other day on the underground to describe someone that to him, was out of the ordinary and so led me to a point. Who's he to to determine what can be called a freak. Who is anyone.


Mind you, living in London, I think I can confidently say I've seen enough people to be deemed a freak of nature. Camden is a very good place to start.


What I immediately had in mind though were people that would look at the average Joe and see him as out of the ordinary. Some tiny people in the shape of some exotic fruits, with tiny limbs for teeth and only spoke in exquisite dance, trying not to vomit when they saw a biclops!


"Jesus! Did you just see that four limbed guy with TWO flippin' eyes! What a freak."


I probably a) thought about that a bit too much and b) created an awesome B movie, in the space of a couple of minutes. Attack of the One Torsoed, Two Legged Biclops from Over the Road 2: Double Damage. Skipping the first movie for the convenience of the more fitting title.

AMAZING paint skills

Whats more, I'm sure it wouldn't be too much hassle to find an actor with 2 "working" eyes - what a freak.